So this blog post has the potential of being quite strange and theologically incorrect so please don't be all weirded out or judgmental when reading it. That said those of you who really know me know my heart and know the real me ;-)
I grew up in the West Country of England. Born in Cornwall and raised in Devon. 3/4 Celtic. And becoming more aware and proud of my heritage as time goes by.
A few weeks ago my maternal Grandma passed away and God provided flights for me to return to the UK for her funeral. He is so good. I love how He loves me and my family. He knows our hearts and He knew that I needed to be there to say goodbye to Grams.
If I was to sum up my Grams in 2 words they would be grace and strength. She was many things, loving, kind, elegant, generous... I could go on and on, but Grace and strength are the 2 things that I always think of when I think of her.
My Grandad passed away when I was 5 in a tragic car accident and Grams has been alone for over 30 years. He was her one true love and I never really thought about their story until this trip to the UK. My Mum had Gram's old wooden box that she had stashed away all her love letters from Granddad and little mementos including the list of gifts they were given for their wedding in 1953. I sat one morning and read through everything, her diaries and his letters. It was amazing to read of their life in the caravan and their stories of friendships and love.
Her funeral was so very hard for me. Everyone else had had a chance to say good bye before she passed away and I was on the other side of the planet helpless and unable to be there, this really bothered me so much.
I had no closure and I had not had the chance to tell her all that she meant to me. It was very painful. I guess the one consolation was that she is now with Granddad in heaven together and in love. After all these years.
While in the UK I really started to think about who I am, where I have come from and who God created me to be. The things that I love, the life that speaks to my soul, what brings me joy and contentment. Alot of the answers were tied into the earth, nature, my Celtic roots, country living, self sufficiency, living off the land, nurturing my family in the most natural way possible. As I was thinking about all of this I realized to my self..."oh goodness I'm a Pagan!" hahaha! I looked up the word "Pagan"and the word comes from the Latin word "Paganus" which means "country dweller" or "rustic". Summed up that's me!
Now I'm not saying that I am a modern day Pagan, I'm not into rituals or modern Pagan beliefs but I do relate to the original Pagan life style.
Last weekend was Solstice weekend. Winter Solstice here in South Africa. My friend Carina and I decided to go stay at an Eco Village for the weekend. They were having a Solstice festival and celebration and we needed to take some time in nature to focus on God and what He is saying to us at this time. We arrived at Zivuya on Saturday and spent some time walking in the wilderness. Riding horses bare back and picking wild fruit and drinking from the spring. We washed in the stream and then went to the gathering place to join the festivities.
A giant camp fire, cooking in pots on the fire, dancing, singing, drumming, exchanging of gifts and an amazing play by a deaf theater company. Making new friends and realizing that Hippies are so open to hear about the love of God and the sacrifice that Jesus made for their lives. I prayed for people and spoke love and life to them. God would show me who to talk to and what area of their life they were hurting in. He gave me the courage and words to reach out to them. It was amazing.
In my quiet time with Him, He shared with me how I needed to take life less seriously. I need to have more fun. To find joy in every day life. This was quite a revelation to me as I thought that I was quite joyful, apparently not!
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13
So this is my new venture, to find joy. To live joy. To give joy. To love and nurture my family in a joyful way. To raise my children in the most natural way. To return to my roots and embrace who my ancestors were. Letting God talk to me through His creation as well as His word.