Well 2014 is here. I'm not sure how I feel about this year yet, it's still too early to tell. But I have a feeling that it is going to be a year of new beginnings and freedom.The main change so far this year is the fact that we are having to home school the kids. Education is too expensive, even the cheapest schools are out of our financial limit. So home school it is. This wouldn't be so difficult or stressful if we didn't live in a shack!!!
To be honest I'm battling. I have one child who can read and write and one who can not. Also the one who can not has learning difficulties and it is a challenge to get him to focus in any way shape or form!
I was fighting an over whelming fear that I am going to fail my kids, I am going to fail my family, I am going to fail those who I minister to, I am going to fail God. Cause I have to be perfect right??!!!
I found myself on the brink of no return on a daily basis, tears were threatening to fall and I couldn't control it at all. I was spiraling.
We are not making it on a financial level. Not even close to making it. I am working for the church and make a wage that covers car payment and that's about it.
My work with the street girls is funded out of my own pocket. And I find myself questioning what the future is.
Do we just pack it all in and go back to the UK where education and health care is free? Where we can get 'REAL' jobs, Where we have the support of family. Where we can live in a real house with hot water and no termites and a working bathroom.
Do we move back to New York where half of my heart was left and get back into ministry there?
Do we? Do we? Do we?
NO WE DON'T!
We HAVE to stay here, we have to stick it out cause that is what He called us to do. He has a plan. It's HUGE! It scares the snot out of me. I don't know where to begin. I dont know how to get it going. BUT He does. He has a plan. He knows the begining and the end. He holds the finances and the blue print. He knows every detail and He wants us to be a part of this great plan.
And so in the mean time I trust. I trust that He will provide groceries and fuel. He will provide rent and car payment. He will provide energy and excitement for me to teach my children well. He will give me a vision and focus and courage for me to walk in the calling that He has spoken over me.
He will provide the extra hours in the day for me to get it all done, and done well.
He has been speaking this word to me for the past few days. I battle to be still. Like REALLY battle. I feel like I need to be in control of things, I need the answer and I need to to be nice and concise. So this word from Him is taking effort.
The past couple of weeks at church have been intricate in my being able to follow this word. I have been given a couple of words from God about this coming year, a year of freedom and jubilee. A year of new beginnings and victory. I believe the word of God. I believe in prophetic words. So these words spoken over me by leaders and friends are something that I will be holding close to my heart at this time.
I feel so blessed and loved by Him. That He chooses to speak in to my life in all areas. That He loves me enough to hold me close and let me rest in His presence.
2014 is going to be a great year. Cause HE told me so!