A life that never was.

Durban beach front a place of beauty, fun, holiday makers and brutal gang rape. 

Just over 2 years ago a young woman called Priscilla (Smithy) was walking the beach front trying to raise money for her shelter rent. She was begging and asking tourists to help her get a roof over her head for the night. Not managing to raise the R18 needed for the night she ended up spending the night on the beach. At some point during the night a gang of 8 men came upon her. She remembered seeing them earlier in the evening and was very aware that these men were not here to help her. She spent then next couple of hours being raped over and over by each of the men. They beat her badly and left her to die in the blood soaked sand. No one came to her rescue. No knight in shining armor, no police officer, no kind member of the public. She was close to Addington Hospital and so when she came around she dragged herself there, where they patched her up and sent her on her way.

9 months later she gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy.

Smithy is just 1 of thousands of girls through out this country who is victim of "corrective"rape. Smithy is a lesbian. This is something that she really battled with as a child, being a lesbian growing up in the townships is not an easy road. There is a great amount of prejudice and violence shown towards any one who is homosexual. People see it as a 'disease" or a "problem" that needs to be "fixed" and due to this many people keep the fact that they are homosexual secret. They live in fear. They try and live a heterosexual lifestyle in order to keep themselves safe and to keep shame away from their family. This is how Smithy lived much of her life. 

The abuse started when she was 4. Her mother was a sever alcoholic and had a number of "uncles" coming to the house on a daily basis. Smithy and her siblings were used to fulfill these men's sexual needs while their mother got drunk in the next room. This went on until Smithy was 7 years old at which point the children were taken into care and by which point the damage had been done. For the rest of their childhood the 4 children were handed from home to home, separated and abused in each home. 

Smithy finally ran away to the streets when she was 14 years old. Separated from her brothers and sister and alone she had no way to fend for herself other than prostitution. Some nights getting enough money for the shelter other nights not so lucky and sleeping on the streets. For the next 20 years this was her existence. 

I met Smithy 5 years ago when I started spending time in the shelter building relationships with the girls. When I first met her I will say I was slightly terrified of her. She was wild to say the least! She had had a partner for a couple of years and their relationship was volatile. One night they got into a fight and her partner stabbed Smithy in the eye. By the time I met Smithy her eye had turned white and she was totally blind in that eye. She was covered in scars and the majority of the time she was drunk or high or both. First impressions are a funny thing. I took one look at this woman and I recoiled. She was hard to look at. I know that that is a horrible thing to say, but it is the truth. The years of abuse had taken their toll on her outward appearance as well as her inner person. BUT the second she opened her mouth and started to talk everything changed. She had the softest voice. Was very gentle and incredibly loving. 

I totally fell in love with this woman. She is funny and cheeky. Has an amazing sense of justice and wants only good things for others. When she was raped she conceived her son. Knowing that there was no way that she could provide for him she placed him into the care of a family friend who lives in the township. Then along came my friend Jane. And to cut a long story short she took the baby in with her and her family and now we have found a family to adopt the little guy. The love and sacrifice that Jane has shown to this baby is amazing, she has literally saved this child's life.  

Taking a wash in the dog bowl! Such a sweet funny boy. Just like his mother.

Although this beautiful child came out of such a horrific situation his life is FOREVER changed by the love of others. He has a future and a hope. He is going to change the lives of others. 

After the rape Smithy turned even more to drugs in order to cope. Smoking cocaine and sugars to take away the emotional pain, getting addicted and then taking them in order to maintain the numbness. She tried to stop but when she did the emotional and physical pain was just too much for her.  It broke my heart to sit and watch her disappear before my eyes. All I could do was pray. Many times I sat on her bed in the shelter and just held her hand and prayed for her while she slipped into a drug induced sleep. The drugs were making her irrational and many times she didn't know where she was or what was going on. There was no helping her. She didn't want to go to rehab, she didn't want help. She just wanted to be numb and the only way that she could do that was to continue with the drugs. It has been a while since I have been able to hold a conversation with her, she was slurring and confused. 3 days ago she collapsed in the shelter and when the ambulance failed to turn up the girls from the shelter physically carried her to the hospital. When I got there she struggled to recognize me. When she finally remembered me all she could say was "help me", over and over she said this, my heart broke into pieces it was like I could physically feel it shattering inside my chest. I knew she was going. I knew in my heart that she wasn't coming out of it this time. I prayed with her, Jane prayed over her and as we were leaving Smithy said to me "Vash please don't throw me away." Those words were the last ones that she said to me. Those words in that moment changed me. It was a defining moment in my life.  

I received a phone call at 5am today to tell me that Smithy has passed away. 

Smithy died alone, no family to hold her hand, no family to take her body and give her a funeral, no family to mourn for her. But there is me. And today I am mourning for a life that never was. Never was loved, never was celebrated, never was given a chance to walk into its full potential and destiny. A life that was snatched and destroyed before it was even given a chance to flourish. A beautiful woman who was crushed physically, emotionally and spiritually, over and over. I will mourn for my friend. A woman who I loved. A woman who I never stopped believing in. A woman who gave birth to the most beautiful and amazing child. A son who will grow up knowing that his mother loved him beyond everything else. A son who will break the cycle of abuse and drug addiction, poverty and destitution that has been the norm in his family for generations.

Smithy died with the peace and reassurance that her son is going to spend the rest of his life being loved and cared for. 

I will never forget my friend. I will never forget her laugh, that deep belly laugh she would get when she really found something funny. I will never forget how she took her handful of coins that she had made begging and bought her and I a cup of tea each and a bread roll and we sat on the curb and spent time together. I will never forget the look of longing that she would give her son, knowing that she loved him with every ounce of her being but not able to be the mother that she needed to be. 

Smithy my dear friend I PROMISE that I will NEVER forget you and I will mourn the fact that you are no longer in my life. Your life was not in vein. Your story will change the lives of thousands. 

I PROMISE that I will tell your story. I will let them know of your life. 

Good bye my friend. 

She needs you.

This is Nokulunga and she is 6 years old. 3 weeks ago when she was walking to school she was raped. Her mother died, there is no father and she lives with her elderly Grandfather. We are looking for some one to sponsor her. If you feel that you could be that someone please please please email me at vashti.downs@gmail.com . If you are reading this and you know that you can not financially afford to sponsor her please pray for this precious girl. We need you, she needs you. Thanks guys.

Vash x

Mtcechwe Primary School is FULL of hungry children.

This morning we went to visit Mtcechwe primary school. We have started a feeding program there. The teachers were telling the Chief that so many of the children were turning up to school and fainting and throwing up because they hadn't eaten anything, some hadn't eaten for days. He told us this and asked if there was anything that we could do to help. One of our volunteers, Tom, told his dad about this and he told Tom that he would like to donate the money for the children to be fed breakfast every morning. What a HUGE blessing!
We managed to get hold of a maize based cereal for the children, it has the RDA of vitamins and minerals that a child needs, it also has immunity boosting stuff for those children who are HIV+ or who have AIDS. We are now buying enough to feed up to 70 children a day.
What I would like to see is for ALL 389 children in the school fed on a daily basis. But of course that takes money! Money that at the moment we do not have. Please pray for this for us. The children learn so much better when they are full.

This post could potentially be a very long one!!! I have so much to share with you about this school. There are 389 children attending this school, they are between the ages of 5 and 12. The school has 15 teachers. Today there were 8 teachers for 389 children! And the vice principle told me that this was a good day! Some days she has as few as 5 teachers for all these children.

There are no sports, art, science or music supplies. The windows are broken and the roof has holes. The grounds are dusty and messy. The class rooms need painting and they need new desks. The teachers need help and encouragement.

Can you help in any of these areas? If you can them PLEASE drop me a line and I will let you know what to do to help this school.

Project O launch day!

Thursday was our big launch day for our 1st zero carbon foot print, 100%self sufficient children's home here in South Africa. We had an awesome day (even though I ended up with really bad sun stroke!). The BBC turned out along with ALOT of other press. We were also over run with the local community, which turned out in force to officially welcome us to their community. The most exciting of all our guests were 2 of President Zuma's daughters!!!! Gugu and Thuthu Zuma came to join us and to endorse Project O. They were beautiful, humble and very excited about the work that Project O is doing here in the 1000 hills.

Here I am with the local witch doctor and Cindy's Gogo. (got to keep the witch doc happy!!)

Gugu and Thuthu spending time with some of the girls from the local school.

One of the Zulu dancers.

The house.

Gugu addressing the crowd.

Chief Gwala, Gugu and Martin cutting the ribbon.

Tiny TOMS and a Very sorry for himself Tom Cat!

Has anyone heard of TOMS SHOES???? Well they are a shoe company that make the cutest, coolest shoes and every time you buy a pair of their shoes they automatically donate a pair to a 3rd world child who has no shoes!!! This is my kinda organisation......shoes + kids= Awesomeness!
So have I ever told you about my amazing friend DANAE??? Yeah ok I know I talk about her ALOT......well my amazing friend DANAE sent us 9 pairs of Tiny TOMS!!! My boys and Amahle got a pair each and then the rest have gone to some of our orphans! As well as 9 other needy children some where else in the world....HOW COOL IS THAT??!! I am continuing to be amazing at Danae and Steve's generosity and love. For me this just topped off the lot. Danae knew how much I love TOMS and for her to do this she has blessed 3 groups of people....1. Me cause I love the TOMS idea. 2. The kids who are round the world getting those 9 pairs of donated Tiny TOMS and 3rdly Our kids here in South Africa, all of which needed new shoes (including my boys and Amahle).

It really doesn't take much does it. Danae I love and appreciate you more than I can put into words. I love these Bison ones they are my favorite.

LOVE these little ones. Sadly they were too small for Amahle!

Jesse's Little feet in his Tiny TOMS!
Just for those who have been wondering......My Milo is back from the vets and is doing well. Notice the shaved leg? Well he dislocated his hip and fractured his pelvis, vet says he was hit by a car for sure. But he is alive and well. Thanks for all your prayers! Now please pray that I find some money to pay the bill!!!!! YUCK!

A Heavy Heart and Eyes full of Tears.

The title of this post sums up how I am feeling today. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for a few days and this post has been forming in my mind and my heart during this time.
It wont be easy for me to write and I hope that it will not be easy for you to read, I pray that you are challenged, that your hearts are broken and that anger stirs up from the depths of your being. You might think whoa there.....ANGER?? Yes ANGER! Because Anger is the the birthplace for solutions and action.

So with that said here we go, are you holding on tight?
My friend Danae works for MTV in New York and over the past few weeks she has been involved with an organisation called Invisible Children. The organisation is telling the world the stories of Uganda's child soldiers, they are telling their stories and asking "what can you do?"
Uganda is not the only country that has child soldiers, some of the other countries and territories that have child soldiers are: Afghanistan ,Burundi, Central African Republic, Chad, Colombia, Ivory Coast, DRC, India, Indonesia, Iraq, Israel, Occupied Palestinian Territory, Myanmar, Nepal, Philippines, Somalia, Sri Lanka , Sudan and Thailand , 300,000, There are an estimated three hundred thousand child soldiers around the world. Every year the number grows as more children are recruited for use in active combat.
These children, some as young as 3 years old are kidnapped or sold by their parents. Most are sexually abused and all are brainwashed. Its not just the boys that are being taken, there are many female child soldiers that are trained for warfare and also used as sex slaves.
My heart aches for these little ones that are having their childhood stolen from them. Who are loosing their innocence, who don't get a chance to an education and for the ones who will not make it out alive.
Please go to the Invisible children website and go here and watch the video and see how you can help.

About 40 000 children in South Africa are involved in child prostitution and the figures are rising as more and more children are driven from their homes because of poverty, neglect and abuse.The government is thinking of legalising prostitution in time for the World Cup in 2010. Just imagine thousands of soccer fans coming to the AIDS capital of the world legally/freely using prostitutes. A fiver a shot! A fiver for a death sentence! Then those guys take the virus back to their own countries and then what? many are saying "well the girls will do it anyway, so why not legalise it?" Well the fact that it is illegal does put many girls from turning to prostitution. If it is made legal than it just gives the girls (and guys) that final push into a life of prostitution.According to ECPAT ( End child prostitution and trafficking), about 100 thousand children are forced into child prostitution in Taiwan. Child prostitutes are in demand in other counties too.
Venezuela has around 40 thousand underage prostitutes;
there are approximately 25 thousands prostitutes aged 12 to 17 in the Dominican Republic;
Peru has about 500 thousand child prostitutes,
another 500 thousand child prostitutes are in Brazil;
We always think of child prostitution as being a 3rd world or Asian problem....let me tell you this......
Canada has 200 thousand child prostitutes.
From 300 thousand to 600 thousand of 2 million prostitutes in the USA are children and teenagers under 18. Most of them are under the category of street prostitutes. These numbers blow my mind. They are TOTALLY unacceptable. What can we do? Go here and see what you can do to help these children.


According to statistics released by the Development Bank of South Africa (DBSA), more than 7,6 million South Africans are HIV-positive . Of these, about 6,1 million are the economically active people between the ages of 20 and 64, who could contribute to the country's economy. What makes these statistics more alarming is the fact that the data on which they are based are probably more reliable than the department of health's because they were collected at grassroots level and not based on estimates. Bear in mind that 98% of people who are HIV+ do not know that they are infected, these statistics are taken from the ones that DO know!!!

* 7,6 million South Africans are HIV-positive; * more than 27 percent of men and women aged between 20 and 64 are HIV positive; * more than 92 000 babies have been infected, either perinatal or through mother's milk, in the past year.

South Africa is home to over 3 MILLION AIDS orphans, it is the orphan capital of the world and the AIDS capital. KZN (where I live) has a 67% infection rate. You might be wondering "what can I do?" Well go to our website and find out.

As I write this post I feel sick. My emotions are so on the edge, I feel like I am going to fall off at any moment. I feel an unbelievable anger and rage that we can sit back and let this happen to the children of the world. IT"S NOT JUST A 3RD WORLD PROBLEM....ITS OUR PROBLEM....AND YES I AM SCREAMING THIS AT YOU!
ITS OUR PROBLEM!!!!

What are we going to do? How are we going to protect the children of the world? By getting up of our comfy couches and doing SOMETHING! YOU can do SOMETHING! Be creative, take a RISK, get UNCOMFORTABLE! Western people are so comfortable with being comfortable! Decide to be uncomfortable for a while and do something great for the children of this world.

I hope you hear my heart.

Today in Photos.

Almost there.