Below is a diary post that I wrote in 2011. I love rereading my journals to see how life, relationships, faith and all that stuff changes over time. I have grown and learnt so much about myself since writing this. My relationship with God is vastly different, I understand His grace and love for me, I know my identity as His child, I really get it now. I have found my voice and am not afraid to use it ;-) I wanted to share this with you cause I have a feeling that it might help someone. xx
Last night our church had a women's meeting where a lady called Wendy Mann shared from Esther. I LOVE Esther, she has to be one of my favorite characters from the scriptures. Her courage and strength inspire me. And her compassion and authenticity are an example of what we as women today should be.
Esther was an unlikely candidate for the position of queen. She was an orphan, and a Jewish one at that. And yet she was obedient to her cousin, over came her fears and found favor with the king.
Whenever we are obedient we find favor with our King.
Esther was her authentic self. She was strong in her faith and had unwavering courage even when her life was on the line. " If I perish, I perish!" That phrase still to this day makes all the "Girl Power" that is with in me rise up and shout " YOU GO GIRL!!"
She was determined to be who God had created her to be. And due to that a whole nation was saved. That's HUGE! Can you imagine being single
Part of this journey is trying to discover the authentic me. Its quite the process, peeling back the layers that have built up over the years.
Last night our church had a women's meeting where a lady called Wendy Mann shared from Esther. I LOVE Esther, she has to be one of my favorite characters from the scriptures. Her courage and strength inspire me. And her compassion and authenticity are an example of what we as women today should be.
Esther was an unlikely candidate for the position of queen. She was an orphan, and a Jewish one at that. And yet she was obedient to her cousin, over came her fears and found favor with the king.
Whenever we are obedient we find favor with our King.
Esther was her authentic self. She was strong in her faith and had unwavering courage even when her life was on the line. " If I perish, I perish!" That phrase still to this day makes all the "Girl Power" that is with in me rise up and shout " YOU GO GIRL!!"
She was determined to be who God had created her to be. And due to that a whole nation was saved. That's HUGE! Can you imagine being single handedly responsible for saving an entire nation of people?
I would love to be my authentic self 100% of the time. But I'm scared. What if no on likes the real me. I've done such a good job of hiding her over the years.
But you know what? I'm getting there.
Who do I know that I am? Lets see..........
I'm passionate and compassionate, I'm generous, I look for the best in others, I am trusting and trustworthy. I make a great friend, I am loyal but will let you know if you are out of line. I am head smart and street smart.
I am insecure and I have big body image issues. I ignore problems often, I procrastinate like there is no tomorrow ;-)
I often do half a job and I am easily distracted. I quit things if I feel like I am not good at them.
I put on a good front!
And yet I know what I believe and I am fierce about what I know to be true. I stand for what is right and will fight for those who have been wronged.
I am finding myself, the good , the bad and the down right ugly!
God hit me hard while in the meeting.Wendy stated to pray for me, it hurt. She started to prophecy over me, that hurt too.
God pointed out that I had had my voice taken from me and it was time for Him to give it back to me. That when ever I have shared my calling and my passion with others I have been silenced by their negativity. It is now time for me to speak up and speak out.
He also said that I need to let go of all the rejection that I have held on to for years.
Wendy then prayed for me. Needless to say there was alot of tears and it was emotionally and physically painful. And then there was a calm. Like lying in a boat on Inanda dam. A beautiful, peaceful calm.
I can feel my authentic me pushing its way through the dirt like a bulb in spring time after lying dormant through the winter.
2 Timothy 1 13-14
" What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus.
Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you, guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. "
responsible for saving an entire nation of people?
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