Not the right kind of orphan? ... Rural vs Urban.

Those who know me well know that it is virtually impossible to offend me. You can call me names, talk bad about me behind my back or even to my face for that matter, and I will not be offended. It might hurt my heart but I will not hold a grudge. I'm like the proverbial duck's back when the water hits it. Its just how I've learnt to deal with life. But there is one thing that does offend me. One thing that makes me rise up and fight. One thing that I can not tolerate.
When someone diminishes, trivializes, makes light of the plight of the one's to which God has called me an anger stirs in the very core of who I am. Most of the time I manage to control this anger. Most of the time I bite my tongue and give it to God and ask Him to deal with it. But today I'm going to share. I'm going to be open, frank and to the point about this issue that I'm dealing with. I ask that you all hear my heart. I am not accusing, I'm not holding a grudge, I'm not pointing fingers. I'm just going to share my heart.

9 years ago Mart and I packed our 8 suit cases and moved to South Africa. Our heart was to minister to children and families who were infected and affected by HIV/AIDS. He bought us the 1000 Hills in KZN and we decided to call it home. We had a number of people, churches and family commit to help us in the venture. It was amazing to have the support of people, people loving us and praying for us and financially supporting us. With out them we would not have made it 9 years and counting in this place.
Over the years financial support has dwindled, like I stated in my post below. There have been various reasons for this. Some have simply not been able to afford to keep supporting, some have had other financial commitments come to light that have caused them to stop funding our work. Some were supporting the ministry some were supporting us as a family. Every time supporters have pulled out we have felt the impact in a profound way. Our funders have literally been a life line for us here in the work that we have been doing.  And we have been so thankful for each of them and the support that they have been to us and the ministry.

Although when someone pulls out of funding us it hurts, we totally understand and we know that God will pick up where they have had to move on. We are not offended because we know that God loves us and He wants His ministry to continue and He will provide.
The thing however that really hurts me and makes that anger rise up is when people use the excuse "you are not working with orphans any more so we can not fund you"

It makes me angry because it is not true. I DO work with orphans. Every trip to the Shelter, every time I walk Point Road praying for the street children, every time I rush a street child to hospital and sit by his hospital bed, every time I go scouring the streets for a young girl who went out to "work" and hasn't come been seen for 4 days. I am working with orphans. My street children are orphans of the most desperate kind. Just because they are not the wide eyed, innocent, distended bellied, fly covered children that we all love to sponsor and support, doesn't mean that they are not in desperate need.
People love to sponsor the rural African child. We NEVER had any problem finding sponsors and support for our little guys who live in the valley. Man I love those little ones. They are beautiful, innocent, in need of cuddles and I always want to bring at least 10 home with me every time we go to the valley.

 I mean look at these babies. Who wouldn't want to love them? I look at these girls and my heart melts. And I'm sure that as you are reading this a part of you wants to pick them up and love them and give them only good things. Each of these girls have lost their mothers. NO child show grow up with out the love of a mother, not one. BUT these girls have been taken in by their amazing Grandmothers. These Gogo's adore their grandbabies. Will do what it takes to care for them. To feed them. To educated them. These girls will not starve. They will never be alone. They will always have the support of the adults around them because that is how it works in the Rural communities. Extended family is strong and those little ones who loose their parents will be taken care of by those around them. It is amazing and we have learnt alot from spending time with these people in their communities.
I'm not saying that these families do not need help, they really really do. I'm just helping people to understand the difference between the Rural kiddies that we work with and the Urban children who I minister to.

What I am finding is that because we have had to put the Rural side of ministry on hold for a period, people now think that we are no longer working with orphans and children who are infected/affected by HIV/AIDS. This is not true.
I feel that the orphans that I am working with, loving on and ministering to are not the "right kind"of orphans for people to support. They are not cute. They are not cuddly. They will sooner pick your pocket than give you a hug. But they are orphans just the same. I have NEVER in my life known a group of people who are more in need of support.
These children are sharp edged, all bones, skin and shoulder blades. With glue crazed eyes and sore covered skin. They are dirty and hungry and unloved. They are forgotten and ignored. They are guilty of crime and drug addiction. They lie and they steal. They are infected with STD's and HIV/AIDS.  They do not trust and can not be trusted. But they are orphans all the same. They are DESPERATE to be loved but when that loves comes they can not give or receive it. They do not know what it is like to trust an adult.
The adults in their lives hurt them. They use them. Them rape them. They control them with drugs and money. The use them to deliver drugs to clients. They use them as sex slaves to make a great profit that the child never sees.
These children have no place to call home. They spend their nights hiding in darkened doorways, sleeping in abandoned lots under cars so that the police and other predators do not find them. They are the prey of the horrors that come out to play at night.
They get picked up by men who make them promises of a better life. They are held against their will and raped over and over. NO ONE is on their side. NO ONE supports them. NO ONE stands in the gap for them. Until God sends a willing heart to fight in their corner. Until someone answers the call and will sit by their bedside in hospital. Until someone will find out when their birthday is and bake them a cake and throw a spontaneous birthday party for them, the first and probably the last that they will ever have.
These children will never be the "right kind" of orphan for people to put on their fridges at home. Never be the "right kind" of orphan for Sunday schools to sponsor. But they are orphans all the same.
They deserve love. They deserve unconditional support. They deserve to be safe. They deserve a life where they do not have to sell their bodies for a couple of slices of bread. They deserve a life where they don't have to hide from the bad guys, where they have loving arms out stretched for them to run to when ever they are afraid. They deserve to have some one tell them that they are beautiful and amazing. They deserve to have some one tell them that they have a Father who they can trust, who loves them and who wants to be close to them. How this Father will not sell them to the highest bidder. How this Father will break the drug addictions. How this Father wants only good things for them.

MY orphans deserve ALL of this. In fact MY orphans deserve even more than this. These are MY kind of orphans. And I will do what it takes to stand up for them, to speak for them and to help them. Even if I do not have the support from others I KNOW that I have the support of my Father, their Father. And our Father owns the cattle on a Thousand Hills. And even though MY orphans might not live in the Thousand Hills, they are orphans all the same. And they deserve better. Thats all.

Transformers...

Things change. I'm not great with change. I'm working on it. He's helping me. I fight it. He gently guides me. It's going to be OK. Its going to be great. Life is amazing. He is in control. And breathe........

This has been my internal dialogue for the past few months. Things have transformed, grown, and down right changed over the past few months. I can pin point the catalyst for this personal and family movement to the day when we listened to God and stepped out in obedience and changed churches. It was a big move for us. The church that we were members of was awesome, we loved it, but we knew that God was on the move. We were at a point in our marriage, ministry, family and personal lives where we needed to move or die. Yes it really was that desperate. Some thing HAD to give or we had to return to the UK (which was not an option as far as we were concerned).

For years we had been alone. We had no support system here in South Africa. No family, no strong friendships, no accountability. Just us and the ministry. And it wasn't going well. We were tired, burnt out and in need of a good kick in the butt. And that kick came. We had zero money! When I say ZERO I literally mean ZERO. I remember one day sitting on my bed in tears crying out to God asking Him to provide food for dinner. We had 4 eggs (thank God for my hens) and nothing else. Martin had left the house to walk the 9km to an ATM on the off chance that someone had put some money in our account. We had no car, no money for a Zulu taxi and so he decided to walk. I had no way of even contacting my parents as my phone had run out of credit to even send a text message. So I sat on my bed literally begging God for some money to buy bread for my children.
I felt like a failure, what kind of mother was I? Why had it gotten to this point? We KNEW that God had called us here so what was this wall that we were facing?

We had had amazing supporters and the ministry with the orphans was going so well and then out of nowhere we hit this wall..... or rather the wall hit us. It was the most sever, painful and obvious attack we had ever been through and it was coming from all sides. Our supporters started to pull out, telling us that they could no longer afford to support us, the more people pulled out the smaller the ministry became until one day we realized that there was no actual way that we could continue. My heart broke as the reality of it all kicked in. Over 100 orphans and their extended families were no longer going to be fed or educated due to the demise of Project O. My heart is still so heavy as I sit here and think about it. Yet again I felt like a failure, what kind of "missionary" was I?  Why had it gotten to this point? We KNEW that God had called us here so what was this wall that we were facing?

Life looked NOTHING like it did in our dreams. It was a nightmare of epic proportions. And I just wanted to wake up. But I didn't know how. Something had to change. At first I didn't know what. Was it Mart? Did he have to change? He was the head of the household after all. Was it where we were? Was our time in SA up? Were we supposed to move to another country? Back to NYC maybe? Was it the ministry? Were we supposed to be reaching out to some other people group? On and on went this internal dialogue, it wouldn't stop and I was going nuts.

As I sat on the edge of my bed waiting for Mart to come back with or with out bread, I asked God what needed to change. His answer was one that I 100% did not want to hear. What needed to change? ME. I had to change. I had to stop being the victim in my story and stand up and become the heroine. And only I could take that step. OH POO!( I actually used a less acceptable word but as my mother reads my blog I wont use it now ;-)

So with out talking to any one, not even Mart, I decided to work on myself. After all that is the only person who I could change. I started to speak words of encouragement in all situations. I started thanking God in advance for what He was going to do in our family and in the ministry. I thanked Him for our health, for providing my children with a great education (at that point we had no money for school fees and was homeschooling) I thanked Him for the friends and South African family that He was going to give us and I thanked Him for the new church family that He was going to put us in.

I knew that He was moving us to a new church. We just had to be obedient and take the step. The moment we did our life radically changed. In an instant. Now I'm not saying that our new church is the answer to all our problems, not at all. It was the act of obedience and faith that we walked in that caused God to move. It wasn't an easy step, we really loved our other church. We loved the leaders. But we KNEW that we had to do this. So we did. And He started to move.
The very first service that we attended we KNEW that we belonged, that we had come home. With in a week we had a whole new support group rallying around us. Lifting us up. Loving us and cheering us on. It was AMAZING! God knew exactly what we needed and He started lavishing it on us in the way that only a Father can.
Miracle after miracle started to happen. Money and provision came in from places that we still don't know. He provided school placements for both boys in the schools that we had dreamed of putting them in. Even though they hadn't been on the waiting list. Things were transforming and it was so cool.
It hasn't all been easy, remember I don't do well with change, but it has been necessary.

This is a journey. Its a continuous renewing and transforming and I'm embracing it. He is giving me the strength and encouragement that I need to keep going and not settle. This post has to come to an end for now, otherwise it will just keep going and going. I will post again soon about what else He has done.... you wont believe it!!!

Romans 12:2 says...
² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I want his perfect will for my life, for my marriage, for my family, for the ministry. In all that I do and say and am. His perfect will, His perfect plan. So I will let myself be pliable, transformable. ALL for His glory, ALL for His will, ALL for His kingdom.

Changing gears in Cape Town.

Last weekend I took a trip to Cape Town with my SA bestie, Melis. Both Melis and I have 2 very busy children, she has a boy and a girl and I have my 2 boys. We were both at the point where we NEEDED a break. Just to get away from parenthood, the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother, running the home… you know all that stuff that comes with the territory of little kids and husbands.

What we needed was a girl’s weekend. And we decided to take that weekend.  And boy what a weekend it was.

I had never been to Cape Town. So Melis decided that that was where we needed to go to switch off and have some fun.

My part of the trip was totally provided for and what a great blessing that was….. You know who you are!

Melis’ mum put us up in a beautiful hotel for the weekend and we were so excited about having this time away.

We flew to CT on the Friday afternoon and arrived in the early evening.  Our friend Jamie picked us up from the airport as she was joining us for our break.

As we were trying to find our hotel we took an unplanned detour through a very rough area of town.

I’m used to the rough areas of Durban and so it didn’t phase me too much. Melis and Jamie however were slightly worried…. To say the least ;-)

What I found as we were driving to our 5 star hotel, through a squatter camp community, was that I was feeling over whelmed with guilt and a burning desire to get out of the car and help.  At that point there was literally NOTHING I could have done that would have been of any help to anyone, I would have probably gotten mugged or worse and it was a stupid desire, but I couldn’t help it.

Some days I wonder if the life that I have lived thus far has ruined me forever. Will I EVER be “normal”?

Will I ever be able to see a need and not have a desperate desire to try and fill it? I know that the majority of the time it is not my job to fix the needs around me.  I KNOW what God has called me to do, and whom he has called me to help. I know what He requires of me. And yet…

Even when I am with my best friend away in a beautiful city for the soul purpose to switch off I STILL find it so very hard. While searching for our hotel I made a conscious decision to “switch off”. I had to if I was going to enjoy the weekend.

After making that decision I had an amazing weekend. On Saturday morning we went to the wonderful Charly’s Bakery where we went NUTS!!!!! We came away with cheesecake, cupcakes, brownies, petit fours, wicked chocolate cake, as I said we went NUTS!!!

We then took a walk along Long Street, which reminded me a lot of San Fran. Really lovely, lots of coffee shops.

(above pic just cause I'm an unrepentant fangirl and a mother of boys!)                                       

 Then we hit up a market. (You know how I love my markets!)

Jamie took us to a fantastic Mexican place for supper and then we went back to the hotel and were in bed by 8:30pm! Talk about old ladies! We were just so tired from all the walking and the late night on Friday.

Saturday we went to Muzinburg beach market, it was a great experience and I got to try dried Snoek for the first time. It was yummy. Melis and Jamie thought I was nuts… but that’s OK.

Then off to Kalk Bay for fish and chips, seal watching and a drive around the coast. 

Finishing off the night with Sushi with our lovely friend Adi.

We had such a fantastic time, if anything it wasn’t long enough! Could have done with about 2 extra days.

Spending time with my best friend, eating cake and going to markets…. Who could ask for more?

Some times its OK to change gear shut down and relax. I’m thinking that I should do it more often ;-)

LOOK WHAT WE GOT!!!!

So as most of you know we have been without a car for a LOOOOOOOOOONG time now. We have been trusting God and praying and asking others to pray for us and on and on and on..........

Well God and family and friends came through and as of Saturday look what we are driving!
Its amazing. It drives well and its a VW!

I just want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who made this possible. I'm off to the Homeless Shelter in it this afternoon and I'm hyper to see my girls and the babies. I will blog soon on whats going on with the ministry side of things.

Vash xx

Missing them.

Missing this lot very much.

Proud owner of 2 6 year olds! Happy Birthday Jesse!

Today is September 12th. I was going to blog yesterday about my 9/11 experience but even 11 years later it is still too raw. So I'm blogging today instead.
Today is a VERY important day. 6 years ago on September 12th a little baby boy was born.
This little boy was born into this world in a way that was less than perfect, and yet God had a perfect plan for his life.
Jesse Benjamin, today you are 6 years old. You are my little Spider Monkey, always climbing trees, always jumping and running. Always giggling, always ready for a snuggle.
You are joy in human form.
We love you. We thank God for you. He knew before He formed you that you belonged to us and we find complete delight in you.

We love you Jika maJika, Always.
Mummy xxxx

P.S Joe is still 6 for another 6 weeks! so i have 2 6 year olds at the same time. Magical. x

HIS calling, MY Arbonne, YOUR opportunity.

I'm a firm believer of 'Calling' and destiny and all that good stuff. I can not see that ours lives are purely given to us that we might be born, grow up,  get a job, get married, have kids and then die. What would be the point of that? I believe that God has pre-destined our lives. He has set aside a calling, a job for each of us. Philippians 3: 12-14 says press on to the goal, press on so that I can take hold of that which He has for me.  That calling has been fashioned and honed to our gifts, talents and passions. Over the past few years He has really been unveiling my purpose to me. Its both terrifying and exciting all at the same time. Its terrifying due to the size and enormity, there is NO way that I can do it alone. And it is exciting because I know that He has placed me here for such a time as this.

For those of you who know me and follow my blog I think you have  a sense of what my calling might be! For those who dont let me give you an idea of my heart and His calling.......

4 years ago I started to help out in a homeless shelter in the Point Road area of Durban. Over the years I have spent my time building relationships with the sex workers who are living in the shelter. Helping them with hospital appointments, jobs, getting home to family and various other tasks that no one else will help them with. (like giving birth!!)

A couple of weeks ago I met with a Natalie from an organization called Red Light. This organization works to fight Human and sex trafficking in the Durban area. Nat asked me to share what I felt God had put on my heart. When I had finished we realized that God had bought us together for a reason. Our callings and passions are almost identical and each of us are bringing different gifts and talents and experience to the table to make this calling a reality and a success.We are so excited about this new relationship and we KNOW that God has put us together.
There are a number of things that need to happen in my life before I can fully step into what God has put out in front of me. For example, I need a vehicle. The Red Light offices are miles away and so is the Shelter and various other places where we are planning to reach into. For me to really make a go of this I need a car. And I need a monthly income in order to pay for gas and insurance. I also need an income to help support my family.

That's where the 'MY Arbonne' part of my post title comes in to play..........
Do you guys know about Arbonne? Are you buying their products? No? Well let me just help you out in rectifying that for you!
Arbonne is a FANTASTIC company that sells great life changing products. From Anti-Aging products to Cosmetics. Men's products to baby products. Health products to Body and Skin care, Arbonne has it all.

You might be wondering "whats so amazing about Arbonne?" Well one question I have is "whats NOT amazing about Arbonne?"
Arbonne products are not only skin and body friendly, they are earth and animal friendly. They are made with only pure and safe ingredients. No mineral oils, no petroleum, no parabens. All Arbonne products are botanically based.  Arbonne products are free from.......
*Animal products or animal by-products
*Parabens
*Formaldehyde donating preservatives
*The following petroleum based ingredients:Benzene,Mineral Oil, Petrolatum, Phthalates, Toluene
*PABA
Very few companies can honestly claim this. Even well known Baby companies are using these toxins and damaging ingredients in their ranges. For those of you with babies I really urge you to swop to Arbonne baby products immediately, for the sake of your baby's skin.
 If you want to know more about Arbonnes ingredient policy please go HERE

I have join Arbonne as an Independent Consultant. There are a number of reasons why I have joined this company. Firstly I totally believe in their products, I love how they are builders of individuals, they WANT ME to succeed. I am part of an AMAZING team of women who are building their Arbonne businesses together, loving each other and empowering each other. Another reason is that I can work from home, in my own time, in my PJ's if I want ;-).  I can financially support my family and His calling on my life through my Arbonne business..... and this is my plan.

So What is the "YOUR opportunity" part of my title?

Well I'm here handing you an amazing opportunity to change YOUR life, the lives of those around you, the life of my family and the lives of the women that I work with here in South Africa. How is that possible? How can little ol' you change and impact So many lives? By joining Arbonne, that's how!
Its so easy and the chance to change so many lives is so great. You have the opportunity to change 100's of lives! Right now, starting today.

You could start with one small step of going to the Arbonne website and buying a few products via me, your Independent Consultant.
Or you could take a larger step by signing up to become a preferred client and get some cracking bonus'.
OR you could take a big life changing leap and become an Independent Consultant like myself and start your own Arbonne business.
I know that as you are reading this some of you have a tugging on your heart. Listen to that voice. Is it telling you its your moment for change? If it is then I recommend you do just that, right now.
Make a step to a healthier, happier more complete you.
There are so many wonderful women who are on their Arbonne journey. Many of them are fully supporting their families, to the point where their husbands have been able to stop working!
They are funding amazing over seas projects and missions. Building schools in Africa. Funding church missions trips to 3rd world countries.
They are able to pay off their mortgages and car payments and get themselves and their family out of debt, just by starting their own Arbonne business and going for it. Believing in their calling and fulfilling their desire to change the world that they living.
You can check out Cecilia's story here. And Anne Marie's story of how she has become a missionary thanks to her Arbonne business.

I am going to be using my Arbonne income to support my family and to fund my work with Red Light and the Homeless Shelter.
I am going to aim to put 25% of my income into my calling, and as my business grows and my income becomes larger I will up the %.

SO....... Want to join in the fun? Want to change the world? YES?? Its really easy. If you are in the UK you can go to https://www.arbonneinternational.co.uk/shop_online/shopOnline.asp
If you are in the States you can go to http://arbonne.com/
Are you in Canada? Then the site you are looking for is http://www.arbonne.ca/

Go on a life changing shopping spree, sign up to become a Preferred Client or change your future by becoming a Independent Consultant. You can email me at vashti.downs@gmail.com where I can help you with that intital purchase by giving you my consultant info. Every time you use me as your consultant you automatically give to my family and the women that I work with.
So in advance I want to thank you for your custom and your desire to change lives.

Together we really can change the world. Empower others and make a difference in this world. Wont you join me on this mission?
Email me...... I'm waiting for YOU!

You strike a woman, you strike a rock.

In August 1956 20,000 women marched and protested against the Urban Areas Act in South Africa. The act said that all non-white people in South Africa had to carry a pass in order to be able to travel to various areas around their cities and towns. They took a stand and stood for their rights as humans and they made a difference. Their slogan, for want of a better word, was "Wathint' Abafazi, Wathint' Imbokodo!" translated "Now you have touched the women, you have struck a rock!" 54 years later and this phrase has changed slightly to "You strike a woman, you strike a rock!" Its some what of a challenge, "you mess with us and you gonna see what happens, we will not be moved." I LOVE this phrase. So I was thinking of this while I spent time with my ladies in the Homeless Shelter this Thursday, Women's Day. My question was "What is it to be a woman?"

This is Precious and her baby Lungelo. " I do not even feel like a woman any more. I have had every part of me taken away. I am an empty shell. I am dying from a virus that I didn't ask for and I gave that virus to my son, now tell me what kind of woman does that? I am nothing."

Belinda is 48. "As a women I don't want to be living the life that I am living. Who I am is not who I really am. I gave up everything because I fell in love with the wrong man. He was an addict and I finally caved in and started to use as well. I am now addicted to heroine and I have to sell myself to be able to survive. I know that God has me in His hand. I pray every time I go looking for a client, I pray that the man that picks me up is not a crazy person, I pray for protection. I pray for forgiveness. I can not go to work without getting strung out on heroine, its the only way that I can cope. Being a woman with no job and no money no home and no family, I do what I have to do to survive."

Mary mother of 4. "It is not easy being a woman in this place. This is not what I dreamed for my life. When I was little I dreamed of living on a farm, somewhere safe where my children could run and play. To live a life where I could send my children to school, so that they could have a better life than me. But here I am, living in hell. Last night a rat climbed over our bed. There are roaches everywhere and I am struggling to provide for my children. My husband is a cocaine addict and uses all our money on his drugs. My prayer is that God provides a better life for my children, because I can not."

Chantelle and her 5 year old daughter Judelle. "God gives me strength to keep living here, with out Him I could not cope. Every day is stressful and my heart aches for a better life, but that life is out of my reach. I try and look cheerful on the outside but my heart and mind is crying out. I would just like to have one day when I am happy and peaceful."

Ronelle 27. "Women's Day has never meant anything to me. Being a woman in this country is hard. There is no respect for us. Why should there only be one day set aside to treat women right? We need to teach our sons to respect all women. If there is only one thing that I teach my son it will be to treat women with respect."

New Life in the Shelter.

Sunday afternoon I went on my weekly trip to the Homeless Shelter. Upon arrival Mary was on her way out to the hospital to go and give birth to her 5th baby. The hospital is just up the road and she wanted to walk in order to speed up the process, so I stayed at the Shelter and told her to call me and let me know how it goes. I wanted to go with her but she had her husband and only one person is able to go in with her so I let him go with her. At this point her contractions were 13 minutes apart.

About 30 minutes later Mary returned to the Shelter saying that her husband didnt take her to the hospital but made her stand begging at the traffic lights to get rent money. She had R100, paid her R60 rent and had the R40 change in her hand, as she is there going through a contraction her waters broke right there on the stairs. I told her go get her bag from your room and I will go get the car I will take her to hospital myself. I get the car and pull it up infront of the shelter. I dont see Mary anywhere so I run upstairs to find her.

What I found was Ronelle and Chantelle pinning Mary's husband to the wall and Mary on the floor, water everywhere screaming "IT'S COMING". I have no clue what is going on all I know is I am not going to let this baby be born in a crack den. I grab Mary up off the floor and with the help of one of the guys we manage to get her to the car. Ronelle comes running behind with Mary's bag. When in the car the story unravels........ Marys husband is a cocaine addict, he had pounced on Mary to get the R40 off her so that he can go get rocks. She wouldn't let go of the money so he BIT her!!!! Yep you heard me right....... in the middle of her contractions and water breaking every where he bit his wife's hand to make her give up the cash!!!
Drug addiction is an ugly evil creature that makes its host do the most insane things.

We get to the hospital and have to make our way to the 8th floor. Mary can hardly stand and is screaming "the baby is coming" at the top of her lungs. When we finally make it into the labor ward the Sisters there totally ignore Mary for the first 10 mins, she is screaming and wanting to push, they are telling her to stop making so much noise and don't push cause they have to do her paper work!!! As I'm typing this its making me laugh. At the time I was NOT laughing, in fact I got so angry that I fully kicked off.
You see the problem is here in South Africa Class discrimination is rife. The second the Sisters found out that Mary was homeless they started to treat her like trash. Ronelle is fluent in Zulu and I have enough Zulu to understand the gist of a conversation, the head Sister shouted down the passage to the office, "this one is from the shelter, no rush she can just wait." She then turned to Mary and started to treat her like an animal. Rough handling her and shouting at her, barking orders. It was horrific. I couldn't just sit there and so I kinda got in her face and had a bit of a go.
Mary is a good woman, she loves her family and does what it takes to care for them and these women were hounding her and barking at her like a pack of wild dogs.
After I stepped in things changed. They rushed her to a birthing room and 8 minutes later baby Maria came into the world.

She is literally the most perfectly beautiful baby that I have ever seen. This photo doesn't do her adorableness justice. She is amazing.
Mary was kept in hospital due to her BP and sugar levels being all over the place. She was discharged yesterday and when she arrived back to her room in the shelter she discovered that her husband had taken all of the baby's things and sold them! I am so sad for Mary, I had bought her some lovely new clothes and a big pack of Pampers for Maria and he had sold them for rocks. Some friends had donated some clothes and they have gone too. She now has nothing for her new born baby other than the 2 outfits that she had taken to the hospital with her. She deserves better than this. I am so angry and so heart broken for her and baby Maria.
If you feel that you would like to help Mary and Maria please let me know or got to my PayPal button at the top of this page and donate. EVERY penny helps.
Love you. xx

I wrote this a while ago, just thought I'd share it.

 Part of this journey is trying to discover the authentic me. Its quite the process, peeling back the layers that have built up over the years.

Last night our church had a women's meeting where a lady called Wendy Mann shared from Esther. I LOVE Esther, she has to be one of my favorite characters from the scriptures. Her courage and strength inspire me. And her compassion and authenticity are an example of what we as women today should be.

Esther was an unlikely candidate for the position of queen. She was an orphan, and a Jewish one at that. And yet she was obedient to her cousin, over came her fears and found favor with the king.
Whenever we are obedient we find favor with our King.

Esther was her authentic self. She was strong in her faith and had unwavering courage even when her life was on the line. " If I perish, I perish!" That phrase still to this day makes all the "Girl Power" that is with in me rise up and shout " YOU GO GIRL!!"
She was determined to be who God had created her to be. And due to that a whole nation was saved. That's HUGE! Can you imagine being single handedly responsible for saving an entire nation of people?

I would love to be my authentic self 100% of the time. But I'm scared. What if no on likes the real me. I've done such a good job of hiding her over the years.
But you know what? I'm getting there.
Who do I know that I am? Lets see..........

I'm passionate and compassionate, I'm generous, I look for the best in others, I am trusting and trustworthy. I make a great friend, I am loyal but will let you know if you are out of line. I am head smart and street smart.
I am insecure and I have big body image issues. I ignore problems often, I procrastinate like there is no tomorrow ;-)
I often do half a job and I am easily distracted. I quit things if I feel like I am not good at them.
I put on a good front!

And yet I know what I believe and I am fierce about what I know to be true. I stand for what is right and will fight for those who have been wronged.
I am finding myself, the good , the bad and the down right ugly!

God hit me hard while in the meeting.Wendy stated to pray for me, it hurt. She started to prophsey over me, that hurt too.
God pointed out that I had had my voice taken from me and it was time for Him to give it back to me. That when ever I have shared my calling and my passion with others I have been silenced by their negativity. It is now time for me to speak up and speak out.

He also said that I need to let go of all the rejection that I have held on to for years.

Wendy then prayed for me. Needless to say there was alot of tears and it was emotionally and physically painful. And then there was a calm. Like lying in a boat on Inanda dam. A beautiful, peaceful calm.

I can feel my authentic me pushing its way through the dirt like a bulb in spring time after lying dormant through the winter.

2 Timothy 1 13-14
" What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus.
Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you, guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. "

Practical Christianity.

I grew up in a Christian home. When I say that I’m not saying that life was perfect, in fact our family went though more hard times than most of my non-Christian friends. But one thing that I saw through out my child hood and teenage years was a demonstration of practical Christianity by my parents. Even when we were struggling for money, for food, to pay rent, my parents continued to give away and to help others.
 I remember when we were living in this very “quaint” town house on the Barbican in Plymouth, (when I say “quaint” I actually mean “Cramped”) there was no room to swing the proverbial cat! My parents slept on a futon in the living room. Outside our house there were some wooden benches where the homeless guys would sit and get drunk. I would often be walking home from work and my dad would be sitting out on the benches with them drinking a cup of tea and talking to them. I just used to laugh at my dad and shake my head. My mum and the rest of us would always joke about Dad having to talk to EVERYONE he meets. When I was a teenager I didn’t get it. I found it embarrassing that my Dad would stop and chat to every homeless person, drug addict or drunk that he came across or invite the homeless guys in for a shower. But now I GET IT!

 Now I see that I am my father! And now those around me are the ones rolling their eyes when I pull over 4 lanes of traffic to give a homeless kid some food. Or give the crazy guy at the traffic lights R10 for his shelter rent. I’m the one who goes through her wardrobe and her children’s wardrobes for clothes to go and give to people. I’m the one who goes and fights it out at the hospital to get a dying woman admitted so that she does not die on the streets….. I AM my father. And I’m darn proud of the fact! I believe that to be a Christian you have to be practical. After all WHAT WOULD JESUS DO??

 I have been going to the Homeless Shelter for 4 years now. There are a number of church groups that go to the same shelter through out the week. I find it interesting to sit back and watch these guys. And I find it even more interesting to watch the responses of the people who these people are talking to. I know that everyone of these church groups are doing what they feel is needed and what they feel is with in their capacity but I do struggle with their methods. There is one church group that the Shelter people have dubbed the “Biryani Bible Bashers”! They are a group who come every Wednesday evening with a huge vat of Biryani. They tell the adults and the children that they must sit and listen to the pastor and if they listen and then come for prayer at the end then they will give them a plate of biryani. As I’m typing this I am shaking my head. Now correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t that blackmail??! Also the message that he preaches every week is that of Hell fire and damnation. Telling everyone that the lives that they are living are going to send them to Hell in a hand basket. I have a HUGE problem with this! I know for a fact that there are people living in the shelter who are very much “saved” but have a serious drug addiction and are battling to over come the addiction. Just because you are addicted to something it does not mean that you are going to Hell. Maybe instead of condemning these people to Hell why not get them into a treatment centre where they can really get free of the addiction and walk into the life that God their Saviour has for them? I don’t remember Jesus giving orders to sit still and listen and respond when He fed the 5000. Practical Christianity anyone?

 A while ago the Hillcrest AIDS centre gave me 500 free condoms. I took them to the shelter to give to the girls who are working the streets. There was a church group there when I went down and one of the older men who was preaching gave me a good going over about how if I give the girls condoms then I am encouraging them to go out and have sex. I guess some of you reading this might feel the same as this man but let me just put the record straight… these girls are going to go and have sex for money with or without a condom…better they go to work with a pocket full of protection than for them to go with none and run the risk of catching HIV or getting pregnant. I’m not encouraging them to have sex, I’m encouraging them to have it safely, and South Africa is the AIDS CAPITAL of the world after all. Practical Christianity anyone???

Last week I heard the same man talking to my friend Craig. Craig is in his 50’s and has been homeless for nearly 20 years. He is an alcoholic to the extreme. He begs for his money and spends it all on drink and rent. He has one set of clothes and is always hungry. I over heard the guy telling Craig “all you need is Jesus and then your life will be good.” Ok I KNOW that God works miracles and I know that He can heal someone of alcoholism and drug addiction just like that. I know cause I’ve seen it. BUT… To tell some one that has no money, no food, no home, no family, a sever addiction, no shoes, one set of clothes, no blanket, no friends, that ALL they need is Jesus seems a bit insane to me. He needs Jesus yes we know that but how about helping him in a practical way? How about YOU being Jesus to him? Showing him that you care about his well being as well as his soul. Helping him get into rehab. Taking him for some food, bringing him some clothes or a blanket. Being a friend to him. Listening to him as he shares his life story with you? How about some practical Christianity?

 My mind has been blown over the past couple of weeks. I have had many people donate clothes and money to buy baby items and blankets, clothes and towels for the families in the shelter. Around 15 people have given of their belongings and their finances. Out of that 15 people only 2 were Christians! I find this so interesting. We say that we want to make a difference in this world; we want to reach others with the love of God. What I think we really mean by this is we want to make a difference in our own household. And anything outside is bit of an inconvenience. We want to keep the money that we make, the clothes that we buy. We want to live a comfortable life and once I am comfortable in what I have then I will consider giving to others. But only when my finances and house hold is secure. And what I give will be my old 2nd hand, half trashed stuff that I don’t want any more. (I will say that these 15 this past week donated 2nd hand items but those items were all in perfect condition. Nothing was stained or ripped, it was all wearable and what a blessing it was to take these things to give to the people in the shelter.)
If my parents had had this mind set when I was growing up I would not be in South Africa working with the homeless and street kids now. I would be in some job that I hate just so I can get the latest new thing. So that I can get my pension secure, so that I can buy my dream home. I am thankful to my parents. That their love and compassion for others rubbed off on me.
 When life gets hard (and believe me it REALLY does) there are times when I would love to have a nice house, with hot running water, or a washing machine, or some nice clothes. But those times last for a moment and then I see a child begging on the street, or I take one of the girls for a HIV test and it comes back positive, or I sit with a mother who has just had her child taken away from her by social services because they live in the shelter, and I thank God for teaching me that Practical Christianity is the ONLY way to reach these beautiful people with His unending love. Loving them as they sit next to me shooting heroine into their veins, or sniffing glue, love them, as they get ready to go work the streets for the night, love them as they get locked up for drug possession or for fighting. Loving them and trusting that the Holy Spirit will do the rest. That one-day the ball will drop and Jesus will take over their addictions, their desperation's and flood them with His peace and His unbelievable healing power. Not just healing their broken bodies but also their ravaged souls.

 How can you be a PRACTICAL CHRISTIAN today? Think on it, pray on it, and ACT on it! Love you all. V xx

Loooooong time coming......

I know I'm rubbish! But you would NOT believe the past few weeks that we have had here in South Africa! It has been INSANE! So much has happened since my last post that I do not even know where to start.

Okay so the crappy stuff first......... We had gunmen raiding our property for 6 nights straight. That's every night for almost a week men with guns and knives got into the farm and terrorized those of us living there. They got into our friends cottage and tied him up and held him at gunpoint while they stripped his home of everything valuable. They then moved on to the cottage that we use as an office for Project O, they wiped that out too. taking all our computers.

The next night they came back and tried to get into out cottage, thankfully we have burglar bars and they could not get in. We called armed response and they came fast and the bad guys escaped. The next morning we moved into a guesthouse with the kids for 4 nights. 

I think that even 2 weeks later my body is still suffering from the adrenaline and lack of sleep.

Since the intrusions we have adopted 2 German Shepherds. Eden and Storm are 6 years old and are beautiful..... although I am seriously doubting their guard dog skills as both of them are VERY soppy!

This took a huge emotional and financial strain on us as a family as we lost all our computers that we use for the ministry and we had to pay to stay in a guesthouse for so many nights. Please pray that what the enemy has taken from us God will replace.

The boys are back at school after way too many public holidays in the month of April! South Africa loves themselves a public holiday! Seriously its insane how much time the kids get off school during this time of year. Both boys are really loving school.

Jesse is still in his Montessori pre-school and is thriving and loving Grade R.

Joe is now in an amazing Waldorf school not far from where we are living. To say that he loves his school would be a gross understatement. If I could go back to school I would go to Joe’s school! And that’s saying something as I really didn’t enjoy school all that much.

He is coming home every day with amazing stories of fun and adventure, of magical moments in the classroom, with beautiful arts and crafts. His teacher is an angel…… I’m convinced! And he keeps the same teacher all the way through the primary years. 

 And Cindy……. My beautiful,  “sometimes” daughter……. She is back in the Valley living with her Grandmother.  She went back last year to visit her grandmother and brothers for a weekend.  She then came home and was complaining of sore kidneys. She had a UTI. Something pressed on my heart to get her a pregnancy test a couple of weeks later and sure enough it came back positive. She is due at the end of June. The father of the baby is a guy who lives in her community. His family has taken responsibility for her and for the pregnancy. We gave her the option of coming home to us but she wanted to stay with him.  We are not her legal guardians so we can not force her to be with us, all we can do now is pray and be there for her when she needs us, which I’m sure will be a lot when the baby comes. Please pray for her during this time, for God’s peace and protection.

I have been spending a lot of time at the Homeless Shelter in Durban.  I know that this is where God wants me to be ministering. It has been very hard and challenging building relationships with these people. You cannot trust a drug addict, most of the girls that I spend my time with are addicted to something and will lie, cheat and steal to get their next fix. I learnt this when I was living and working in Brooklyn NY but in the Ghetto of SA life is a lot more desperate and these people will do what ever it takes for their next fix. The elaborate lies that they weave to try and convince you to give them cash often blow my mind! Some of these people would make fantastic lawyers or movie stars.

Last week a guy came to me and told me that he needed R100 for rent and if I could lend it to him he would get his cousin who lives in a castle in Scotland to put the money back into my account by the end of the week. I laugh but it’s actually quite sad.  Having to lie and con people just so that you have a roof over your head at night must be an exhausting way to live.

I am lied to every time I go to the Shelter and yet I love these people. I know that God has a greater plan for their lives.  And as discouraging as it is I will stick it out.

We had 2 birthdays in the Shelter last month.  My beautiful friend Ronelle turned 27 years old.  My friend Danae who came to visit from the States a couple of years ago met Ronelle during her visit.  Danae blessed me with a financial gift so that I could go and get Ronelle some birthday gifts. She was so excited while opening her  birthday card that she didn’t want to rip the envelope, it was the first birthday card that she had ever received and wanted to keep the envelope and the gift wrap that was around her gifts in perfect condition.

The other birthday was that of S’Fiso. He turned 17 and is one of the Street Children who lives in the Shelter.  If I could bring this child home with me I would, without hesitation.  His mother passed away when he was 11 and he has been on the streets ever since.  The only adult that is left in his family is an Uncle who was so abusive that S’Fiso and the 4 other children who were in his care all ran away and are now living on the streets.

Danae and her husband Steve also gave to help us throw a birthday party for S’Fiso along with my friend Thabs , Ruth and myself pitching in to bless this awesome kid with a birthday that he will remember.

He has had a passion to learn to surf for a while and when on the beach begging one afternoon he got chatting with a  surfer. S’Fiso told this guy how he would love to learn how to surf and the guy gave S’Fiso his surf board!!!!!! 

S'Fiso had never had a birthday cake and the morning of his birthday I took my boys to their friends birthday party. Jack had turned 4 years old and after blowing out his candles on his rugby ball birthday cake he decided he wanted to give me the cake to take to S'Fiso at the homeless shelter!! Now tell me what kind of 4 year old does that? I will tell you what kind..... one that has amazing compassion and understanding of those who do not have. His mother Melis is one of my best friends, Her and her hubby John are clearly raising their children in the right way! You should have seen S'Fiso's face light up when Ruth and  turned up at the shelter with a cake for his birthday. It was a priceless moment. And from that moment S'Fiso has called me "MUM" I love him!

Some thing else that happened this past month was that our wonderful friends Ben, Kristy, Myles and Neo came to South Africa for a visit. It was amazing to see them. Myles is one of my boys closest friends they really love each other so much and when the family moved to the coffee hills of Burundi it was a sad time for all of us. Go check out their exciting adventure here . 

So in a long nut shell that's whats been going on here! I don't have Internet at home any more but I promise to update as often as I can. 

Lots of LOVE. xxxx